Pushing 50...

So today I turned 47.
I have officially lived longer than my mother.

This fact somehow saddens me at the same time that if makes me feel relieved.
My mom died of complications related to kidney disease at just 46 years of age (in fact, she was buried on my 26th birthday.) Of course I am relieved because having had cancer 15 years ago, I have always had that unsttling feeling that I, too, would die young. The age of my mother's death sort of loomed over me, that scary number.
Mom was sooo young, and missed out on sooo much -- my sister growing up, my brother's wedding, her younger sister's losing battle with AIDS, her parents last years, never seeing 10 of her 13 grandchildren, not seeing the wonderful adults her children have become.
So of course I am relieved to know that I have not left my children behind as she did. My sister was about the same age ( just 14) as my youngest daughter is now. I can't imagine being motherless at such a vulnerable, tender, emotional age... a time when it is so important to both bond with and seperate from the person most important and influential woman in your life. The woman you most want to be like --- and the woman you swear you won't ever be like!! I have lived long enough to see my oldest daughter married, spend none womderful years with my dear granddaughter, see my two older sons graduate high school, things I was always afraid I would miss. And am I done??? No way!!!!!!
So although this was a tough birthday, I am so thankful to know that now I am also officially pushing 50!!! Happy birthday to me!


Here is a LO I did a few days ago using an adorable new kit from Tangie Baxter called Aunt Tangie's Toy Box. This is a photo of our niece Madison blowing out candles on her 5th birthday cake, wishing, of course, for TOYS! I love that it looks like there is no background on this LO.




And FLERGS over at Scraphead was offering an oh-so-pretty mini kit as a CT challenge kit so I just HAD to make a LO using it! I did add just a few other elements from other kits of hers that I had. I loved these photos of my daughter Pam when she was about 7 years old. They really show her personality. She hated these photos because she was wearing a bright orange shirt -- but when I softened the color of the photos using Lightroom her shirt became a tolerable shade of pink! Wasn't she cute??

She still is!!